This article is about one of my clients that was obsessed with outer game.
Obsessed to the point where he found himself constantly losing women.
Don't get me wrong, I love outer game. It is fun, engaging and easy. Usually when I am out for a night and I interact with a guy, we banter, I do my dance for him, he does his dance for me and it is fun. FOR ONE NIGHT, maybe 2 if I am in the mood. But then it becomes exhausting. BORING, UNATTRACTIVE and NOT SEXY AT ALL.
After 1 or 2 times with a guy, I want something real, something I can latch onto or at least feel like I could latch onto. What I am referring to is substance.
Women want to connect to man they feel has substance. Has more going on than some quick lines of banter and entertainment.
If a man is all about outer game he is basically equivalent a magician.
A magician is there to entertain for the evening then disappear from your life but will continue to do his show night after night after night.
One of WGM's most recent insider members, recently read an article I wrote about too much out game equally bad news. In this article I go through a case study of one of my clients who was obsessed with outer game. In fact he was so obsessed with outer game that he totally forgot to focus on any inner game.
He first wrote to me confused by the fact that he was not getting girls to answer his calls past the second date. Obviously you can take a gander at what my response was.
So after a few emails back and forth, a lot of female insight and much more openness from his end, he finally got it and wrote me this email:
“This is so real. I've lost so many women due to over gaming. and really, i think it was really out of fear. Fear that if I didn't have her utterly captivated and laughing and if i wasn't escalating sexually that i would lose her.
It's funny (and a bit tragic) that when i learned these things – i became so enamored with the tools that i lost touch with my own body, my own feeling of things. and when I'd rewind i could notice that “hmm. . . that interaction felt off . . . i pushed too hard . . . i missed the transition point . . . i came across as eager and try hard.”painful to see but good to learn.
I love the banter and the flirting too. and i find it's good to pepper it into interactions as a spice but not the whole meal. i really am loving your stuff. Pretty shocked that after only a few emails back and forth my whole mindset totally shifted. thanks so much for doing it. ”
Routines can work. In fact, I totally endorse using routines and lines AT FIRST. But treat them as training wheels. They can help you overcome approach anxiety and show you how to structure conversation. But they can't keep a person engaged for longer than an evening. That skill has to come from within you.
It is so important to have a balance of inner game and outer game. When you are truly balanced you will see it is not a game at all but YOU. A confident, self assured, whole YOU.
To read this full article on outer game vs. inner game that includes instructions on how to build your inner game, sign up for WGM's FREE Insider membership below:
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