Today I wanna talk about one online dating secret every man needs to know… Because without this one secret, dating apps will never work for you.
Doesn’t matter if it’s Tinder or Hinge or Bumble or anything else… You’ll simply swipe hundreds of times… You’ll get some matches here and there… But you won’t get women into your life or in your bedroom.
So if you don’t want dating apps to be a complete waste of your time… And you’d like to turn your matches into dates and fun sexual encounters… Pay attention and keep reading.
How It Started
So what prompted me to write this post was a conversation I recently had with a client. His name’s Peter. And on our call, he mentioned that he had been using dating apps for a few months now.
He had his profile done quite well. He was getting some good matches too. But he was struggling to get any dates.
I probed further to see where Peter was getting stuck. And he said that the problem was simply this… The women he matched with would disappear after a few days of messaging. Sometimes after just one conversation.
In fact, even the women who seemed really interested at first… would end up ghosting. And he would remain without any dates.
So now as an obvious next step, I asked him to show me some of these conversations he was having. And once I started looking, it didn’t take long to figure out what was going wrong for him. Because Peter was making the same mistake that I see so many of my other clients make with online dating.
Now before I explain to you what that is… You need to know one thing about women who are on dating apps. You see, when a woman swipes right on you or chooses to match with you…
It means you made a good first impression with your profile. And now… she wants to see if you’re a fun guy to talk to. She wants to see if she has chemistry with you.
This isn’t true for all women of course. There are women on dating apps who simply enjoy the attention. But we’ll come back to that in a minute.
For the most part, if a woman matches with you, she wants to see if you’re a fun guy to talk to. And if you guys have chemistry.
Now this is the most important part… so read carefully. It doesn’t take a woman 4 or 5 or 6 days worth of texting to see if there’s chemistry.
It happens much faster. In fact, it can happen in your very first conversation. You can have good fun banter from the start. And she’s hooked.
However this is where things can go horribly wrong. And this is where my client Peter and so many others have gone wrong in the past.
Once there’s some chemistry, once there’s a good flow in the conversation… You need to understand that the clock is ticking. You have a VERY short window of opportunity to move things forward. To get her out of the dating app and into your life.
Why? Because women are bombarded with new matches every day. There are countless other guys fighting for her attention. So she might be intrigued by you today and show the lot of interest…
But two days later she can forget about you completely and focus on someone else. On the other hand… Life can get in the way. Things can happen in her real life that distracts her away from you. Or makes her forget about you completely. After all… you’re still just a stranger on a dating app.
Then there’s the issue of a time conflict. You might be on the app at a certain time, she might be on at a completely different time. And that makes it hard to have a good back and forth conversation. So whatever interest or chemistry that was there initially… inevitably fades away.
Now I know all of this sounds awful. But this is the reality of online dating. It’s fast paced. And it’s fickle. And if you want to succeed with it, you need to accept this reality first.
Escalation Strategy
Second — you need to adopt a NEW approach to online dating. I call it the rapid escalation strategy. And here’s how it goes.
You match with a woman. You talk and banter with her a little. If she engages and shows interest… You ask for her number. You don’t wait until you have 4 or 5 conversations with her over a week.
All you’re looking for is one good conversation. Once she starts to show some interest and you see there’s a good positive vibe going on… Ask for her number. And here’s something you can say word for word.
“Hey, let me get your number so we can text. It'll make it easier to get to know each other since we're unlikely to be on the app at the same time very often.”
This comes from a different client of mine who has had a lot of success on dating apps because of this text. And it’s brilliant because you can easily slip it into any conversation… once you’ve hit a high point and feel like she’s interested.
But there’s also a huge side benefit. It lets you “filter out” the women who simply want your attention and will waste your time. Women who will text your ear off but never let you take things further.
Because when you ask for her number, they’ll most likely give you some vague excuse or just disappear. And you’ll know, without wasting more time and energy on her, that she was not the right women to pursue.
That’s why it’s so crucial to go for the number and see if you fan get her off the app as quickly as you can. Additionally, you can also ask for her number like this.
So let’s say there’s a good back and forth conversation going on… Look for a moment where she asks you a good question. Let’s say she asks you something like…
“So what made you swipe on my profile?”
Instead of answering the question then and there… You say:
“Well, that’s more of a face to face answer that I’m happy to give you on our first date. But before that can happen, what’s your number?”
It’s as smooth as it gets in terms of transitions. And it works anytime she asks you a good question or just a personal and meaningful one.
In fact, nine times out of ten, if she’s actually looking to date, she’ll be happy to give you her number after this.
Now it goes without saying that once you’ve secured the number… it’s much easier to have a nice back and forth conversation over text or on a phone call. It’s more personal than a dating app where you’re just match #167 for her. But that doesn’t mean it’s game over.
It doesn’t mean you start taking it slow and wait for weeks to ask her out on a real date. The rapid escalation strategy still applies in this stage. Remember she has not met you in person yet. And that’s where a real connection happens. That’s when you can get a woman emotionally invested in you.
No matter how fun and witty you are over text, or even on a phone call… It can’t replicate the connection that can happen in person. So here’s what you do when you get her number.
Have a few back and forth exchanges that are fun and playful. Don’t try to be too serious and get to know her as a person over text. The purpose of texting is simply to maintain a fun, flirty vibe and set up dates. That’s it.
So banter with her. Flirt with her. Just for a few back and forth messages. Then ask her out on a date. Make a plan to meet up. Say something like…
“Hey, what are your plans for thursday? I know this amazing Italian restaurant downtown and I’d love to take you out”
Obviously you switch the plan to whatever you have in mind. But the point is… This type of phrasing makes you sound super confident and attractive.
You’re not beating around the bush like most guys. You know what you want. And you’re going for it. Women respond very positively to this kind of boldness and confidence.
And if you follow this game plan with women from now on… From the time you match with her on the dating app… I promise that you’ll have a lot of dates and sexual relationships.
Remember that you don’t want to waste your time texting with her. You’re NOT there to be a “text buddy” to women. You’re there to get women into your life.
And that’s something every man needs remember when using dating apps. That’s how you navigate the world of online dating.
Now that said, there’s something I’d personally like to know from you. I want to get to know YOU a little better… On a more intimate level.
You see, in order for me to create the content that will benefit you the most… I need to know what you wanna hear about more than anything else…
So. I’ve set up a quick survey for you that you can fill out in just 2 minutes, right now. You can find it here.
This survey lets you tell me exactly where you could use my help with women… And the things you’d like to hear about from me in the future.
What’s more: After you complete the survey, I’ll even send you a special gift as a thank you. And it’s no ordinary gift. I’ll be giving you FREE access to not one, but two of my paid online masterclasses… worth $147 each. And you get to pick which ones you want out of the dozens I have… on so many different topics.
So. Give me 2 minutes of your time, and I’ll give you the content you want PLUS two free masterclasses right now. All you have to do is click the link here and take the short survey that I’ve set up for you.
It’s really that simple. There’s no catch to it.
I hope that you adopt this new way of online dating.