So you’re in the bedroom with an amazing lady. The clothes are off. It’s getting really hot and heavy.
But there’s one major issue. You’re trying to “rise to the occasion”, but no matter how much you want it… Your manhood stays down… like it’s stuck in sleep mode.
It’s a difficult moment. It’s frustrating. And it feels so embarrassing. But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be this way.
I’ll tell you what women really think when a man cannot get hard in bed or loses his erection… And once you understand that, I’ll show you how you can confidently handle this situation, so you still come out looking like a sexual rockstar that she wants to jump into bed with again and again, without thinking twice.
Trouble Getting Hard
How to handle it IF you find yourself having trouble getting hard? So first things first. How much does she really care if you can’t get hard or lose your erection?
Well, the short answer is… not as much as you think. Because here’s what actually goes on in her mind if you can’t get things going.
She begins to blame herself. Yes, most men assume that if they can’t rise to the occasion, women immediately start judging and mentally criticizing THEM.
But the truth is… For most women if not ALL… the first instinct is to look inward and criticize ourselves. We think…
- “Is he not into me?”
- “Does he not find me attractive?”
- “Is there something wrong with my body?”
- “Did I do something wrong?”
- “Did he see my belly rolls and lose his attraction to me?”
- “Is he thinking of someone else and doesn’t want to be with me?”
It’s all very self critical and brings about feelings of shame and insecurity. It doesn’t occur to her that it might just be a problem that you’re experiencing.
She holds herself responsible for the fact that you’re not getting hard. Or that you just lost your erection. Even if she’s generally a confident person, it’s in our nature to look inward and blame ourselves first…when things go sideways.
And it doesn’t matter if you’re in the relationship with this woman… Or you’re just having a one night stand with her… This is the most typical reaction that happens in her mind.
Which means, while you’re laying there feeling like shit about yourself… While you’re wondering what she’s thinking about you and how much she’s let down by you right now… She’s kinda doing the same thing to herself.
So before you fall into a negative spiral… And torture yourself with thoughts like…
- “Oh my god, this is so embarrassing…”
- “She must be losing interest in me…”
- “She must think I’m a loser…”
Remember that she’s most likely laying there feeling bad about herself… not losing interest in you.
In fact, if you’re in a relationship with this woman, this could even lead to a deeper concern and insecurity in her mind. She might begin to feel like you’re losing interest in HER.
That your attraction for HER is fading away, and your relationship could be at the risk of ending.
This might sound like a stretch to most guys, but this type of thinking is actually far more common than you realize… especially when the woman is really into you and cares about you deeply.
Various Situations
Now yes… all that said… there are going to be exceptions to this. There are going to be situations where a woman doesn’t blame herself… But instead becomes frustrated with you in the moment.
Maybe she was super riled up and ready to go, so not having you inside her… left her wanting more. But there’s an easy fix to that. For now all I want you to understand is this:
If you can’t get hard or lose your erection during sex… 9 times out of 10… her immediate reaction is to look inward and worry that you don’t find her attractive.
And this should concern you because… the more she feels insecure or unattractive when getting intimate with you…
The more she’ll want to AVOID it in the future. Because no woman wants to feel that way. So how exactly do you handle this situation? Well. There’s a wrong way and a right way.
The wrong way is to not address the situation and pull away. If you just stop everything and get out of there without explaining what happened…
It’s gonna drive her crazy with shame and guilt. Because there was no clear communication from your part and she’s gonna keep thinking that she’s the one who messed things up.
She’s not good enough for you. She’s not good in bed or she doesn’t turn you on. And the longer she feels this way, the more she’ll want to avoid sleeping with you.
Another thing that can make this situation go from bad to worse… is if a guy gets angry and defensive about it. So let’s say the guy pulled away, and the woman started asking him what happened…
At this point, if he just lashes out at her, throws a temper tantrum, tells her to leave him alone and doesn’t give her a proper explanation…
It’s gonna be extremely damaging to the relationship they have. And if it was a one night stand, this incident is gonna lower her sense of confidence and self worth. And make her feel like she’s either bad in bed or unattractive. Or probably both.
On the other hand… The more YOU avoid talking about this situation… The more you’ll let you own sense of shame persist inside of you.
You’ll start to see yourself as a guy who has this “disability” in bed… As a guy who can’t satisfy women sexually… And knowingly or unknowingly, you’ll start to act in ways that sabotage your relationships with women, whether casual or serious.
How To Deal With This Situation
So. Let’s get back to our main question. How DO you deal with this situation?
Well, if you haven’t guessed it by now, it’s simple… You need to talk about it. You need to explain the situation to her instead of hiding it. And it’s not that complicated.
In fact, here’s a simple formula you can use.
Step 1. Address the problem.
Step 2. Tell her it’s not her fault.
Step 3. Shift your focus onto her.
Let me give you an example you can copy.
So you’re in the bedroom. You’re not able to get hard… just say something like this.
- “Hey listen, it’s just not happening for me tonight.”
- “It’s not because of you by the way. You look incredibly sexy right now…”
- “In fact, let me just focus on you today. I wanna make you feel good…”
See how simple that is? Address the problem. Tell her it’s not her fault. Tell her you’ll focus on her instead.
Now, a crucial part of making this work is your delivery. Or the way you say it. You don’t want to sound like you’re apologising or embarrassed.
Instead, you want to sound totally calm and casual. Like it’s no big deal. Why? Because she’s gonna instinctively mirror your vibe. She’ll mirror your attitude towards this situation.
In other words, if you seem like you’ve done something wrong or embarrassing, she’ll instinctively take it that way. But if you act like it’s no big deal, it’s not gonna be a big deal to her. And I can promise you that.
Secondly, her focus is gonna shift to the fact that you still wanna pleasure her. And she’s gonna love you for it. She’s gonna feel really cared for and valued. Even if it’s a casual fling. And that’s gonna make this experience memorable for her.
Plus— you’ll make sure that she doesn’t leave feeling sexually frustrated. If she’s extremely turned on and ready to go, she doesn’t want the night to end abruptly. And just because you can’t get hard doesn’t mean it has to end.
Remember— sexual pleasure doesn’t mean penis in vagina. There are multiple other ways to make her eyes roll back and get her moaning and screaming in ecstasy. And the most powerful one of them all is oral sex.
As I’ve mentioned before, a woman’s clitoris has over 8,000 sensitive nerve endings… Making it the ultimate pleasure hotspot on her body. This is why over 80% of women never orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. And need some sort of clit stimulation to climax.
So get down on her and use your fingers and your tongue to drive her wild. Eat her out like she’s your favourite desert. Show her how much you’re into it. And trust me, she’ll treat you like a sexual god.
Moreover… You can play with her breasts. Kiss her deeply and passionately. Touch, caress and lick every inch of her body. Introduce some dirty talk.
Like I said, there are so many ways to drive a woman wild in bed. You could be giving her explosive, mind melting orgasms… and leave her sore and breathless… without a single second of penetration.
Remember that the next time you have trouble getting a hard on. Plus as a side benefit… If you shift your focus away from your soft penis and put it all on pleasuring her…
In many cases, you’ll put your mind at ease, take pressure off your shoulders… And as a result, actually end up getting that rock-hard boner that you’ve been chasing all this while.
Verdict
And that’s all you need to know about how to handle this tricky situation in the bedroom that stresses so many guys out. But that said, now there’s something I’d like to know from you.
I want to get to know YOU a little better. In order for me to create the content that will benefit you the most… I need to know what you wanna hear about more than anything else…
So. I’ve set up a quick survey for you that you can fill out in just 2 minutes, right now. You can find it here.
This survey lets you tell me exactly where you could use my help with women… And the things you’d like to hear about from me in the future.
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I’ll be giving you FREE access to not one, but two of my paid online masterclasses… worth $147 each. And you get to pick which ones you want out of the dozens I have… on so many different topics.
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It’s really that simple. There’s no catch to it. Just that it’ll help me create awesome videos for you in the future.