“Nothing” is the worst word a man can possibly hear coming out of a woman's mouth. “What's wrong”, “NOTHING”. But it doesn't have to be.
I want to tell you what this “Nothing” really means, why we say it and how it has NOTHING to do with you. If you can learn how to handle the “NOTHING” with class, comfort and ease you will be a woman's hero for life!
I will explain it by using an email that I received from one of my Insider Club Members, E.
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Email From E:
Hey Marni,
I'm curious about something.
When you can see that something is a woman's mind or is troubling her. When you ask her, is something wrong or what's on her mind? Females usually say ” Its nothing”.
But my gut feeling is that: “nothing” = something she's not wanting to tell you. If I'm right Marni, what is the best way to handle that situation? or should I just let it go? What's really happening here?
My Response:
E,
Ah the dreaded “Nothing”, a statement I have made oh so many times. This “Nothing” is actually quite loaded, but not in the way you think. I have heard many men label this as a “test” or a way for women to manipulate. It is neither. What it actually is, is a statement stemming from discomfort.
“Nothing” means either “You should know and I can't believe you don't” or “I am mad at myself for being this mad about X and need your help calming down. I don't want to be this upset, but I am”. Both come from a place of caring about you, feeling alone and discomfort. Both should be handled in the same way.
Let me step back up for a minute and tell you something about women. Women tend to “think” they are in control at all times. They also aim to be an ideal woman, especially in the eyes of the man they are seeing. When they get into situations where they begin to feel “less than ideal” it creates anxiety. Anxiety that is uncontrollable and sooooo uncomfortable.
When she is seemly sitting and stewing, this is the moment where you can be a woman's hero OR you can be her punching bag. Ultimately this choice is up to you because it's really in your control, not hers.
If you wish to be the punching bag, engage her defensively and tell her that what is feeling is irrational/crazy/unacceptable. No good. Get's you nowhere but the dog house for a full week.
If you wish to be a woman's HERO, stay strong, listen, be patient and understand that it's not ABOUT YOU. Next, you engage her in a warm way. Not defensive, not attacking and not AFRAID. The last one is most important. If you show any indication that you are afraid or that for one minute you are thinking in your head “this chicks crazy” game over 🙂
You say to her “I can tell something is bothering you and I want to talk about with you”. And then you LISTEN to her.
If she still does not budge you say “listen, I want you to be comfortable telling me things. If I have done something to upset you, I want to know so that I can try to not do it again.” Give her a hug if needed.
If she still sticks with the huffing and puffing, that is when you have to have a boundary and you say to her “I can tell something is wrong but I am not going to push it out of you. I will be in the other room and when you are ready to talk, I will be ready to listen to you.” and then leave.
Most likely she will calm down and eventually work up the courage to speak with you. Still be strong, patient and understanding and LISTEN to what she is saying. These are her feelings, they are not meant to hurt you or attack you. They are meant to show you what she is feeling so that you can grow together.
Sometimes in relationships, your partner can make mistakes or they can have a moment of weakness. These are the most important times to show her you still care and can handle her imperfections. If you handle these situations with class and calmness, these situations will happen fewer and farther between and you truly will be a woman's hero. Trust me!
Marni
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Situations like the one described above can either hurt a couple of bring them closer together. Next time you encounter the “NOTHING” situation with the girl your dating, take it as a compliment. Seriously. Understand that she cares about you enough to feel stress, anxiety and discomfort over you. If she didn't care about you and if she was not invested, then these things would not matter to her.
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