What’s the best foreplay technique?

Answer by Marni Kinrys Founder, The Wing Girl Method · 4 min read

Marni's answer

I'm Marni Kinrys, founder of The Wing Girl Method. Foreplay is one of the most misunderstood parts of sex. Most men treat it as an appetizer before the main event. That's backwards — foreplay IS most of the meal.

Let me tell you what actually works.

Reframe foreplay

Most men think of foreplay as the warm-up before sex. Which means they rush through it to get to the 'main event.'

Wrong framework. Foreplay isn't the warm-up. It's most of the meal.

Women's arousal builds slowly. Really slowly. What you think is 'enough foreplay' is usually about 25% of what she actually needs to be fully turned on. Ten minutes of foreplay isn't foreplay — it's a warm-up warm-up.

Real foreplay is 20-30+ minutes. And the men who understand this become the best lovers women have ever had.

The full-body principle

Most men rush to breasts and genitals. Which are the LEAST responsive early on. Her clit is sensitive but not READY to be touched directly until she's already turned on. Same with her nipples.

Start with the parts most men skip. Her neck. Her back. Her thighs (not straight to the inner thigh). Her stomach. Her arms. Her ears.

Kiss her whole body slowly. Not for 30 seconds each — for actual time. When she's arching into your touch, moving her body toward you, breathing heavier — THEN start moving toward the more direct zones.

Full-body warm-up before genital touch. Every time.

Teasing and denial

This is what most men miss entirely. The BEST foreplay includes tension. Denial. Anticipation.

Get close to her clit but don't touch it. Kiss right next to where she wants your mouth. Have your hand between her legs but don't move. Make her want it more before you give it.

This builds arousal exponentially. By the time you finally do touch what she wants touched — her body detonates. Because she's been aching for it.

Rushing to the destination is amateur. Making her wait is expert.

Use your words

Great foreplay isn't silent. Talk to her. 'You feel amazing.' 'Tell me what you want.' 'I love how you move when I do that.'

Ask her what she likes. Not weird — HOT. It shows you're paying attention.

Compliment her body specifically — not generically. What you love about the way she looks right now, tonight.

Words engage her brain. And her brain is where a huge amount of her arousal lives.

Michael and the extension

Michael, 47, married 18 years, Minneapolis. Told me his wife 'wasn't that sexual anymore.' They were having sex maybe once a month and it was quick.

I asked him — how long is your foreplay? He said 'about 5-10 minutes probably.'

There it was. Not enough. Not close to enough.

I told him — extend it to 30 minutes minimum. Full body. Take your damn time. Tease her. Ask her what she likes. Talk to her.

Two weeks later he called me back. Said his wife had said 'what got into you' after their last night together. She was finishing multiple times. She'd initiated sex twice since.

Same wife. Same body. Different foreplay. Foreplay is everything.

Common mistakes men make

• Treating foreplay as a warm-up to rush through
• Only 5-10 minutes of foreplay (not enough)
• Rushing to breasts and genitals
• Silent, mechanical touching
• Not using teasing and denial to build arousal

What to do instead

• Extend foreplay to 20-30+ minutes. Every time.
• Full body. Neck, back, thighs, stomach — before genitals.
• Tease and deny. Get close, don't touch. Build anticipation.
• Talk to her. Ask what she likes. Compliment her specifically.
• Focus on HER pleasure, not on getting to intercourse.

Marni's take

Here's the wing-girl truth about foreplay. If you extend it, slow down, cover her whole body, tease before you give her what she wants, and talk to her while you're doing it — you'll become a better lover than 99% of men. Not because of technique. Because of PATIENCE. Most men can't tolerate the slowness. The ones who can are the ones women rave about. Be that man.

Key takeaways

• Foreplay is MOST of the meal, not the warm-up.
• 20-30+ minutes. Every time.
• Full body — neck, back, thighs before genitals.
• Tease and deny. Talk to her. Patience is the whole game.