I got a question recently that read like this: “Marni, I’m a huge fan. I read your newsletter every day but… I’m still absolutely terrified to approach women. What can I do? How to look confident around women?”
It’s a good question. And it’s SO common among the men I work with. They read my newsletters. Watch my videos. Even do my programs. And they learn everything there is to know about attracting women.
But when that one gorgeous stunner walks by… They just don’t find the confidence to go talk to her. Fear takes over. And they freeze. I’ve seen this happen to guys over and over.
The good news is: The solution is simple. I have 3 go-to methods to help guys deal with the fear of approaching women. These 3 methods have always worked like a charm for the guys I work with.
So I thought I’ll write an article on it today so more men can try these 3 simple methods… And turn their fear into rock-solid confidence. You’ll never hesitate to approach beautiful women again after you finish reading this article.
Here are my 3 go-to methods to beat approach anxiety and unlock confidence:
Method #1: The Mindset Tweak
Whenever I’m working with a guy who’s scared to approach women… The first thing I notice is that his mindset is in the wrong place. More accurately, he puts a LOT of pressure on the mind. He has huge expectations of himself. He wants to guarantee that the approach is a big success.
And by big success, he typically means… He wants to introduce himself to the girl by saying something clever… Something that hooks her attention…
He wants the conversation to be super interesting for the girl, wants to make her laugh, wants her to be turned on by him, and wants to walk away with her number and a guaranteed date… These are the expectations he has.
And look, it’s understandable. Most guys who see a pretty woman they wanna talk to… will hope for similar things… But the problem is, these are massive expectations. And it puts an ungodly amount of pressure on your brain.
After all, you’re giving it so many goals to focus on. Our brain wasn’t built to multitask like that. It gets overwhelming when you focus on too many things at once. So here’s what I say to a guy in this situation…
First of all… I teach him the O.S.A method. The O.S.A method shows guys how to start a conversation with a woman in practically any situation. In other words… It’s a conversation-starting technique that works in any setting, in any situation. This takes care of the whole “I don’t know what to say to her” problem.
If you wanna learn more about it, you can watch this video where I reveal the OSA technique in detail. It’s very simple. And I think you’ll love it.
Anyways, so after I teach the guy the OSA technique… I tell him to change his focus and focus ONLY on approaching the girl. Focus on just making contact. That’s it. If you wanna walk away right after you start the conversation, that’s absolutely fine. Just focus on making that approach. Making contact. That’s it.
Once the guy makes this simple tweak to his mindset… Something wonderful happens. He feels lighter. The weight of his massive expectations has been removed from his shoulder. Suddenly, he feels a subtle sense of confidence in himself. He feels like he can do it and can talk to the pretty girl. It’s not that hard. So he walks up to the girl and makes contact.
Now what’s even more interesting is that… The first couple of approaches he might walk away right after making contact… But… By approach 5, 6 or 7… He’s comfortable enough to push it more. Meaning, he talks more and starts to engage in a longer conversation. Without me telling him to do it. I’ve seen this pattern play out many times. And it’s wonderful.
You can see that the anxiety has reduced a lot. And a new sense of confidence has developed. And all it took was a simple tweak to his mindset. Try it. And you’ll see similar results too.
Method #2: The Fear Transfer
Like I said before, it’s very common for men to be TERRIFIED of approaching women but… Do you know what you should be more afraid of? NOT approaching. Every time you become too scared to act, I want you to think of and be afraid of what you’ll miss out on if you don’t approach.
- What if you miss out on the girl of your dreams?
- What if she was actually looking forward to meet a guy like you?
- What if you missed out on one of the best dates of your life? Or the best relationship of your life? Or the best sex of your life?
Look, fear can be great if you use it as a tool. If you channel it in the right direction. And that’s what this technique is all about. Instead of fearing what she might think of you… Fear what you might miss out on. Fear the regret you’ll have walking away having said nothing.
In fact, it might even help to remember incidents where you walked away from a pretty girl… and instantly regretted it. Relive that regret. Use it to your advantage. If you do this right, something will snap inside of you. And suddenly your mind’s gonna be like… “Screw it, let’s just do it” or “Let’s see what happens”
You’ll get a sudden boost of motivation and drive. That will push you to do the approach. Once again, a very effective method. Definitely worth trying.
Method #3: Confidence Through Competence
One thing I always ask my guys is this: “Are you scared of the approach or… Are you scared because you don’t know what to say or do?”
Most of the time, what’s disguised as fear of the actual approach is actually just not knowing what to do. It’s very common. A guy thinks he’s scared of talking to women… But in reality, it’s just that he doesn’t know what to say to her…
How to hold a conversation that generates interest and attraction. Once he learns exactly what to say and do in a conversation… Exactly how to create attraction… The fear vanishes. His new level of competence gives him rock solid confidence. And it’s true for anything in life.
If you don’t know how to drive, you’ll be extremely nervous if asked to handle a car. But once you learn exactly what to do, you become more comfortable. More confident. Gaining competence is always the fastest way to build unshakable confidence.
When it comes to meeting women… If you know exactly what to say and do… If you have a blueprint of it in your mind… You’ll never be scared to talk to girls. In fact, you’d be excited every time a pretty lady walks by. You’ll know that you have what it takes to engage her in an interesting conversation and potentially walk away with a date.
Now, I know what you’re thinking… But Marni, how do I become more competent at talking to girls? And the answer is simple. You work with me and one of my Wing Girls and you practice with me or one of my Wing Girls on a weekly basis. And learn exactly how to have a flirty conversation.
You practice in a safe environment where you're not interacting with the girl that you're really interested in. You're interacting with one of my wing girls who is going to:
- Let you practice
- Give you feedback
- Give you the tweaks that you need to be able to talk to women effortlessly and successfully
So that you can build and create lasting attraction. I want to teach you how to do this. I want to work with you. My wing girls want to do this for you. We want to teach you all of this stuff.
So to find out more about this, click this link and sign up for one of our free strategy sessions with my Wing Girls and we will tell you all about how to get you that safe practice that will make you a king in conversation.
I’m sure you’ll love it.