You go on a first date.
Do everything right.
You make her laugh.
You touch her just the right way, and she seems to be touching back.
The date ends and you are 100% sure that there will be a second date and that she felt the same connection you did.
So you contact her to arrange for the second date, and you hear nothing from her. Dead air.
Or you get a text message from her telling you she just wasn't feeling it but you are a “great guy”.
What the hell right?? You want to know where you went wrong and why she didn’t feel the same connection you thought you did.
As a guy you may see an attractive women in front of you, have a nice conversation for an hour or so, and assume that she’ll be equally interested in a second date. The problem is that women are often looking out for a much broader range of qualities that make you a keeper.
You may not even consider these points when you’re looking for a date: but women will be evaluating on whether they believe you have the right qualities to be a good match for them; whether you have the charisma to keep them interested; and what you can bring to their life long term.
To help you put the pieces of the puzzle together I asked 5 sexy, successful, single ladies to give you their HONEST opinions about what they’re looking out for on a first date, and what makes them want a 2nd:
Ria, 27, sales executive
Brittney, 28, admin coordinator
Haley, 31, retail consultant
Rebecca, 29, finance
Sarah, 34, accountant
Q: Imagine you’ve just met a guy for your first ‘official’ date: what’s the first thing you’re looking out for?
Haley: I look for how much of a ‘man’ he is in organizing the date. I once had a guy ask me to make all the decisions as to where we’re going, what I wanted to do etc. and it just felt really dull! Kind of like I was hanging out with my younger brother!
Brittney: Confidence. I want a guy to take the lead! I want to sit across the table from someone that feels like a man to me so that I can feel like a lady. Ya know?
Sarah: I’m looking for a gentleman, someone who has manners, and is respectful. I don’t want to go out with an immature guy, or a rude one!
Rebecca: I have dated a bunch of guys with no direction or ambition and their looking for me to point them in the right direction. This is NOT what I want from a first date, even if I only want to sleep with them. Lack of ambition is a huge turn off for me. Doesn’t mean he has to have money. It simply means he needs to see a path in front of him and is working his way down that path.
Ria: I’m looking for connection. I want to feel something when I go on a date. I’ve been on a ton of dates where me and the guy have a lot in common, but there is no spark there. That spark is essential for me.
Q: Do you know during the 1st date if there’s going to be a 2nd date?
Haley: Honestly, YES. I know pretty quickly if I am feeling a connection. I’ve been surprised mid date before, but that doesn’t happen very often.
Sarah: I also know pretty early if the date is going to go anywhere. But I will say it also depends on what I want at that point in time. If I’m on a date and I’m in the “I’m happy I’m single” mode, I may be more open to the guy. But if I’m in “I’m looking for my next boyfriend” mode, I decide pretty quickly. Doesn’t mean I won’t have fun on the date. I just won’t want a 2nd one, if I do not feel that chemistry, or a strong connection and desire to see him again.
Rebecca: I wish I could say that I was really open-minded and non-judgmental, but I’m not when it comes to guys I date. I know within the first 5 minutes if I want to see this guy again. I usually try my best to wrap up the date quickly and not lead him on in any way so that there is no confusion at the end of the date, but sometimes it’s tough. Like when I really get along with the guy but I don’t feel anything more for him. I’m sure he’s thinking, “We’re having a great date” while I’m thinking, “I totally want you to be my new best friend”.
Ria: Sometimes I go on dates where I really get along with a guy and I really wish I felt something more for him, but I don’t. It just isn’t clicking for me, and I don’t know why. I never say anything because I always assume he can feel it too.
Brittany: There are times when I knew before the date even started that there was not going to be a second one. But then I feel guilty canceling.
Q: You went out, and you didn’t connect with him. What do you do next?
Brittney: Let it die! Avoid calls, say you’re busy and hope he gives up? I know that sounds horrible, but it seems nicer than just flat out telling a guy that he isn’t rocking your world.
Sarah: You have to make excuses sometimes: just to be polite.
Ria: I’ll usually blame myself! I may say I’m not into relationships right now, which is true, I’m not into having a relationship with him. But of course if the right guy came along, I’d probably change my mind!
Rebecca: I wish I could say I act like the bigger woman. I tend to avoid for as long as I can and then send a message saying I’ve met someone else. It’s horrible I know. I hate hurting someone’s feelings.
Haley: I’ll usually send a text, when he contacts me again, saying I just wasn’t feeling it.
The fact is that men and women have very different ideas of what makes for a great first date, which is why you may think it’s a done deal when she’s not ready for round 2.
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