How To Make Her Feel Sexually Safe
Sexual safety is something all women need to feel before they can relax and unleash her wildness with you. You can make a woman feel sexual safety with you, using just your words and a little body language.
I also explain how women decide if they will or will not sleep with you.
So, you meet a woman. You flirt for a few hours. Things are going great so you head back to your place.
Then she drops this on you:
“Just so you know, I’m not having sex with you tonight”.
This was the exact situation that one of my coaching students faced the other night.
He met this woman at a party, they connected, flirted and the sexual chemistry was high.
They decided to leave where they were at and he drove her back to his place.
They're sitting in his car outside his house. She told him she didn’t want to have sex, and it totally threw him off his game.
Confusion leads to sexual de-escalation
He didn’t know how to respond and gave up on the idea of getting physical with her.
From there, there was no attempt to kiss her or invite her inside because he thought he was being rejected and dismissed to the friend zone.
Then a few days later he runs into her again, and noticed that she was less responsive and didn’t seem as interested.
So what he wanted to know is did he screw things up by not kissing her, and was she testing him when she said she didn’t want sex?
Here’s my non-politically correct answer for you:
Sometimes (but not always) a woman will say she’s not going to sleep with you that night. The truth is she wants but she knows that sleeping with you may not be the best idea.
It's in these moments when she says “I'm not sleeping with you” she's not actually saying “I'm not attracted to you”.
It doesn't mean that the whole night has been a fantasy or that you've concocted this whole story that you and her have been “vibin'” when really you're just great friends.
Instead, it's her saying “I'm really attracted to you but I don't want to sleep with you just yet.”
This is different from when you’re actually getting sexual with a girl already and she tells you no. In that situation, no means no, and you should back off.
But when you’re just talking, and she drops a line about not wanting sex, it means she’s at least thinking about the idea of having sex with you.
Doesn't want to seem easy
One reason she might say that is she doesn’t want you to think she’s the type of girl who just hooks up with every random guy she meets.
Another reason is she could see potential in you for way more than a hook up and wants to take things slow.
Or she could want to…
Wants to gauge your intentions
So many women have guys blow them off after they sleep with them. When women state they don’t want to have sex right away, it's her way gauging your level of interest in her.
She could also be looking to see…
How you deal with adversity
When things don’t go exactly your way, do you pout and sulk? Do you get aggressive and blow up? Or do you handle it like a man and not let it affect you?
One way to do that is to agree with her and add some playful humor to the mix.
For example, after she says you won’t be having sex, you could say something like, “I would never. I’m not that kind of girl” with a playful smirk.
You could follow that up with “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stay away from you completely”. After that, pull her in and kiss her if she’s open to it.
This makes her feel sexual safety.
It shows you heard her! That you got it and that you're not fazed when confronted with a challenge, and that you're still willing to go for what you want.
Another way to handle it is to say some really genuine and sincere and obviously mean it.
I remember when I was younger and a bit more reserved. I would kiss everyone but anything more would take me forever.
Seriously, I was labelled as the kissing bandit. ; )
One night I met this guy at a bar and we went back to his place and started kissing. I was totally okay with kissing. Then he went to undo my bra and I froze up instantly.
Now most guys I had been with typically chose to ignore the freeze. I wouldn't say because they were jerks but because either they didn't even notice I froze or they didn't know what to do with me freezing.
When sexual safety is missing
So they would simply continue and I would go along for a little and then make some excuse to leave before doing anything more.
Something like “oh I’m really tired” or “my stomach hurts” or “I’m worried about my girlfriend and have to check on her”.
Ever heard of any of these?
These statements are a woman's way of letting you know something is not sitting right for her and she doesn’t want to be in this situation anymore. In other words, there's no sexual safety.
After I’d leave, I’d make sure to never see them again because in my mind they didn't like me enough to care about my comfort level.
You might think this is unfair because how are these guys to know what’s going on in my head if I don’t speak up.
But this is how it works and now you will be aware of this and you’ll help women feel safe to speak up, because right now, we don’t.
Sexual safety done right!
Now, let's get back to what this guy did that was so different and amazing. This is what I want you to start doing to create sexual safety with women.
When I froze, he immediately noticed and stopped. He looked at me and said “If I'm doing anything that makes you uncomfortable I want you to stop me, slap my hand and I'll stop immediately, Okay?”
He even looked me straight in the eye while saying this and I just melted. I instantly felt safe with him.
I didn't think “Oh he loves me and we'll be together forever.”
But I did feel safe and free with him. With him I knew that I was a fair participant in my sexual experience.
That's how we women work especially when we're about to be intimate with someone.
Now, this “line” isn't a magic pantry dropper that you can just use to get women to sleep with you.
Sometimes she genuinely won’t be ready to sleep with you, and you need to respect that.
That said, the woman or women you say this to will have a new found respect for men. She'll also be a lot more likely to let her guard down.
As well, because you’ve acted so attractively, she’ll likely be even more into you now. The next time she sees you, maybe she'll be ready for something more to happen.
This idea of being able to handle challenges and not react so that we feel safe with you, is just one part of being the man that we’re hardwired to be attracted to.
There are a number of things — that when you do them correctly — trigger us to feel sexually attracted to you and safe on an unconscious level.
This is the reason why guys who aren’t super good looking, rich or tall can date and sleep with women who look out of their league.
If you would like to be one of these men I have something for you.
It’s a free 40 minute video that shows you how to become one of these men that can trigger women to feel sexually attracted almost instantly.
It also shows you how to create this automatic attraction and desire with all the women you meet.
I promise you that after you watch this video you’ll be eager to put what I’ve shown you to practice.
To watch this free 40 minute video go to winggirlmethod.com.
Marni
